Exciting New Post

This is a new post, and it is exciting! Please try to remain calm. Someday I may post again. Have a swell day!

I made this picture shortly after I heard Saddam Hussien was captured hiding in a hole in the ground. I think it speaks for itself!

I'm An Idea-Man

I have such ingenious ideas. I really don't know why I'm not being paid millions by a huge mega-corporation just to grace them with the excrement from my mind. Recently I gave some thought to trailer-park cuisine....

Wang (TM): Powdered Wine. Just add water! Guaranteed to get the trailer park a-rockin'. The days of lugging around that pesky wine-in-a-box are gone!

Trailer-park Lasagna: 1 loaf Wonderbread. 1 bottle ketchup. 1 package individually sliced American cheese. I think you see where this is going...

Hot-dog Vindaloo: A taste of the exotic middle-east. An enticing blend of Indian spices, and Oscar Meyer wieners. Delicious with Kool-Aid tropical-punch chutney.


I also considered some new deserts that OutBack Steakhouse should put on the menu to sort-of expand on the theme of their mega-popular "Chocolate Thunder From Down-Under."

Rear-Admiral Peabody's Milky Fudge Bubble

G'day-Mate Creamy Whipped Nougat Squirt

Crocodile Dundee's Caramel Bowl Splasher

Wally the Wiley Wombat's Steaming Salty Chocolate Nut-Log

The list just goes on and on....

Crime Does Not Pay

Previously on Justin's Blog:
An unknown neighbor decided that my front steps and driveway would look much better covered in a thick layer of dog feces.

We discovered the identity of the dog's masters, who will remain nameless. In our infinite wisdom, we gave them one last chance to correct their poor choice of K-9 toilet facilities. Alas, another mammoth sized pile of shit on my walkway.

So, we finally broke down and called the pooch police. According to Anchorage's elite Special Turd Force Unit (STFU), the neighbors got a stern talking to, and a warning not to do it again.

The following day we awoke to discover another lovely steaming pile of F.U. on the walkway. So we had to call the dog patrol _again_. This time they must have utilized the good doggie-cop/bad doggie-cop routine. It's not entirely ethical, but it gets results.

Now, life is bliss once again. The FedEx guy no longer has to watch out for land mines. The pizza boy has an extra bounce in his step. And the creepy people that come by once a year offering to wash my windows are a joy to behold without shit on the soles of their feet.

The system works. I offer my lawn as living, breathing, fairly excrement-free proof!

P.S.: Sometimes, when the religious nutters come a-callin', I wish there were a few more piles of shit on my walkway.

Now _That_ Is One Big Pile Of Shit

Stakeout time for my front lawn to find out which one of my neighbors has trained his (obviously) horse sized dog to shit on my front walk and driveway. I haven't seen any great-danes around, but maybe it's just an extraordinarily large husky who eats a very fiber rich diet. Either way, it has got to stop.

If I can spot the beast in the midst of it's devilish business, I can snap some candid photographs for use on Christmas cards. Or maybe I'll just select a few choice photos to blow up into larger-than-life sized billboards to place out in my front lawn.

Perhaps if I put out a bright-red sign next to my driveway that says "Dog's Toilet" I can get my point across.

Maybe I will return the poo to it's rightful owner... in a flaming brown paper sack on _their_ doorstep.